Chinese Whispers

Bob forbid you should have an opinion if you happen to live in China.

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/world/asia-pacific/8489748.stm


In the land of feet binding, thou shalt not have more than one child,
none of that evil democracy searching and so on, the Chinese totalitarians are squeezing every gramme of human rights out of their people.


Nuclear capabilities aside, it is of course money/wealth/greed/trade/control/power which keeps the West cosied up to its friends in the
East


And the governments of the world do,


nothing...

Thatcher in the rye

So it's official; Margaret Thatcher is proved to be bonkers after swallowing 28 eggs in a two week period in the run up to the ill fated 1979 General Election, in an effort to 'look good for the cameras'.

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/uk_politics/8488752.stm

It makes you wonder what would have happened if they still had their

shells on.


In other news, old J.D Salinger is now little more than an egg himself.Boy did he like his privacy.


I love the


'Hello I'm a complete bobohead'


photograph of him trying to smash a pressman's car window. Those
eyes could have lasered Sean Connery in Goldfinger.

He did however, unlike Thatcher, do something useful, by creating
Holden Caulfied.


Thatcher wouldn't have stood a chance against him.

All aboard the gravy train

Tony Bliar, Alistair Campbell et al, lying through their ugly mouths to the biggest waste of public money Chilcot enquiry.

Doctor found guilty of major misconduct in 5 people's deaths and not struck off.

Then we have our very own local clowns, who some 12 years ago agreed to set up an Irish language Act, devolve policing and justice amongst other things and still frig about playing silly games, whilst claiming to be serving the people and collecting their fat pay-packets.

And you wonder why I don't vote?

In the words of Radiohead;

'Bring down the government, they don't, they don't speak for us'

The joy of Mehari's

As Paul the brilliant plumber was patiently fixing my boiler this morning, I thought it only polite to light up a Mehari's cigar.

Yes I know it's at least as evil as heroin and will shortly be banned everywhere, but while I can, I shall continue to enjoy the pleasure of their sweet Orient brand.

Paul and I are fast becoming friends.

Last month it was due to the air pressure and the solenoid; this month it seems the fuse has gone and it's replacement was a little more complicated than first anticipated.

Thankfully all is fixed and we can no longer see our breath indoors.

Fingers crossed...

One thing after another

And another, and another...

Today's post, culminating with Marley dog barking ferociously as per...consisted of 3 demands for money and one demand to attend Occupational Health.

I'm delighted to know my employers are so concerned at my well-being.

My arse.

Tick box accountability and going through the motions are their staple.

I came home to find a pool of dog sick.

When I turned the heating on, nothing happened.

Ice water would have been warmer than that in the shower.

It's a wonderful life...

A first time for everything

Here I am, in my local library, rather than the discomfort of my rather tatty sofa.

The reason for today's change of venue is simple. My lovely and wonderful wife has need of both laptops. Balls.

Anyway, I have been allowed back after having a couple of books out for more than 3 years. A clean slate.

No charge.

Unlike the parent who was recently sent to jail for 'killing' her son.

Like the parent who wasn't for 'killing' her daughter.

Someone help me. I'm confused. What's 'right' and what's 'wrong'?

http://www.independent.co.uk/opinion/commentators/dominic-lawson/dominic-lawson-who-are-we-to-decide-that-a-dependent-life-is-a-pointless-life-1878817.html

Answers on a postcard please. The best one shall receive a judge's wig.

By the way, if ever I lose my marbles, don't kill me.

Unless I say so.

How I fooled John the Baptist

Actually I think he's agnostic, but no matter.

John, Rodney and I do like our tipples. It was on one such occasion we visited the world famous Bushmills Distillery on the North coast.

Now Rodney had the wonderful idea of getting me to 'hypnotize' him. I wasn't keen on the idea and hinted as much.

After the tour however, came the tasting samples and various blends were sipped and enjoyed.
Out of nowhere, Rodney boomed out

'So Hugh, you were telling me you're reading up on hypnotism. Do you think you could hypnotise me?

Part of me wanted to glare at him for putting me on the spot, but nonetheless the performer in me took over.

'Well, I'm not sure' I replied, 'I could try, I suppose...'

I began in soothing tones to talk to Rodney, asking him to close his eyes and imagine a peaceful journey through a meadow...

John was instantly converted.

Rodney gave an Emmy winning performance, completely ad-lib.

It was only when I suggested he was feeling hot and needed to take his top off, I thought John's panic signalled the need to end the ruse.

John's belief in my mystic abilities was absolute, until we told him what had actually happened.


Three weeks later...

Top ten ridiculous but wonderful music videos, in no particular order.

Always on the look out for ridiculous things in life, here are my ten ridiculous tracks with links for you to enjoy.

1.Queen - Innuendo
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GmHgdLKwU8U

2.Mirwais - Naive Song
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JR7i96CZN0E

3.Goldfrapp - Happiness
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mnHlGONToIc

4.Guy Marks - Loving you has made me bananas
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gKR6g-xikQk

5.Sparks - This town ain't big enough for the both of us
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dBtj2ShktAU

6.Lieutenant Pigeon - Mouldy old dough
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vy32skBSHs0

7.Rammstein - Sonne
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mfHlA3fmJG0&feature=PlayList&p=D543BF168C5552F0&index=53

8.The Beloved - Sweet Harmony
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fflbSnB9sE4&feature=PlayList&p=D543BF168C5552F0&index=58

9.David Bowie - Ashes to Ashes
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CMThz7eQ6K0&feature=PlayList&p=D543BF168C5552F0&index=106

10.Placebo - Nancy Boy
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ThNfrNGdgxs

Down, down, deeper and down

If you hear someone telling you that you have reached 'rock bottom', politely inform them that it is actually made of polystyrene, not rock.

There are an infinite number of levels of despair.

Today it seems I am falling through quite a few and it's difficult to understand why.

The oxygen has been sucked out of the room of course and everyone suffers. I wish they didn't have to. Sincerely.

The main reason, perhaps, is a feeling of utter and monumental failure.

I have come to the end of my energy levels in going through the motions and wish to stop. Stopping creates all sorts of other difficulties; more debt, losing the house, stresses, further depression and so on.

Que faire? Qui sait?

When your day is long...

Feeling decidedly down today. It's the unpredictable nature of depression. There is only so much medication a boy can take. After that it comes down to avoidance. Or mania.

There is no 'deus ex machina', quite simply because there is no deus.

It's down to us as individuals to either participate or give up.

Either option can seem incredibly dull.

So I provide this distraction today to stave off the inevitable...

http://viewat.org/

It contains 360 degree views from various locations around the globe.

Lose yourself.

This is not the Sun

I repeat. This is not the Sun.

And yet...

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/england/south_yorkshire/8473112.stm

Neither is it Community Care.

I can remember the disgust, revulsion and anger I felt at Jamie Bulger's murder.

I couldn't stomach the crowd baying for blood, or the 'poor boys, they're only children themselves' morons.

Ach bless, they had a drug addicted mother and a violent alcoholic father. They aren't in the dock however.

Tragic but all too common.

They knew what they were doing.

Maybe we should make Goldman Sachs use some of their £8 billion profit to set them up in Australia with a nice house and some new faces...

Status Update

Tomorrow I will have been 21 years married. Sheesh, were does the time go?

It seems like 5 minutes ago that I stood in a church and said my vows. I thought I was pretty calm and yet history decrees I stood still, looking ahead and was too focused to look at my wife.

Much has happened since. Two wonderful girls are here now to remind us of our commitment to each other.

Houses, jobs, religions have come and gone, but our love remains constant.

For better or worse, in sickness and in health. For poorer, or poorer still.

It's the only thing that matters.

Red and black all over?

Tonight's semi-final in the Carling Cup, the Manchester derby, was a pretty decent spectacle for the neutral.

City won 2-1, however the tie is far from over as United will be looking to humiliate their rivals in 8 days time.

The story of the evening was the Argentinian Carlos Tevez metaphorically sticking two fingers up to the gum chewing W.C. Fields, for not doing enough to keep him at United by scoring both City's goals.

The first was a highly dubious penalty decision, although his ice cool finish was a joy to watch.

Despite the ageing Van der Sar trying his best to distract him, he blasted the ball down the middle to score.

Wayne Rooney, having recently celebrated his 4th birthday, very sportingly mouthed away on Tevez's approach but could not be understood, saying something like 'Day do don't day doh'.

It all bodes well for him having a spectacular meltdown in South Africa this summer...

Former member of Hitler Youth claims church really did think they were nasty Nazis

What a load of old tripe.

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/world/europe/8464453.stm

A man who wore the uniform of the Hitler Youth, and now wears a pointy hat, claims his predecessor, Pope Pius XII actually helped Jewish people during World War II, er...by...um...saying nothing...

Someone, who wants to make a 'saint' out of Pius, which is utterly insane (given he's been dead over 50 years and following a botched embalming doesn't say a whole lot).

A man referred to by a government memo as 'the greatest moral coward of our age'.

Alright, let's see the archives then...

Absinthe bakes the tart no wonder

None of which makes sense you say.

I agree.

I am reminded of organising an Absinthe night for a couple of old friends, some years ago.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Absinthe

Having procured the substance, then a hearty 68% abv, bought a green light bulb, sorted out green food (don't ask) and arranged some suitable old French music the scene was set.

Great attention was paid to the 'ceremony', using the proper spoon, sugar, water and fire etc.

Rodney and I were suitably overcome with its sheer potency at the first sip.

John, on the other hand, wasn't initially impressed.

Sadly for us, he seemed to be suffering from low blood sugar levels and without warning, grabbed both our glasses and downed the lot...

'My friend, my friend...' he pined, 'help me', head bowed as he chundered over my floor.

Thankfully, I had just laid a wooden one.

I later found out he ended up in the parachute position on his hall floor, having knocked over some delightful looking china ornament.

I hope he's ok.

Aspirations

Hey, we can dream can't we?

If I were suitably loaded this year, I would head off here for a few days of great craic and music.

http://www.littleworldfestival.com/

Situated in south eastern France, Meribel is a ski resort which in March will host the festival organised by the band 'The Feeling'.

I found the information via Glenn Tilbrook's site. He, of Squeeze fame, is in my opinion, one of the best male vocalists to come out of England. I grew up listening to them through the angst of teenage years.

Of course, I could give a fig about skiing, snowboarding or any of that malarkey, but great sounds, good company and all round hedonism has its lure.

Anyone fancy a trip?

For the people of Haiti

'No-one wants desperation to turn into anarchy', so the report ends.

Perhaps if there was pure anarchism, however, the people of Haiti could begin to rebuild better lives.

And yet, they don't need politics now. They need coffins.

They need food, medical supplies, water, shelter.

That is why it is essential the world responds without prejudice.

http://www.dec.org.uk/

No levity today and for that I make no apologies.

I just don't feel like being funny...

To be caught up in one nuclear explosion...

Imagine, if you can, which you can't but enough about semantics, being in Hiroshima in 1945.

One man, Tsutsomu Yamaguchi was there, working.

The warped and criminal thinking that many more (American) lives would be saved by incinerating a few thousand dispensable Japanese meant he suffered horrific injuries that day.

Somehow he travelled through the dead and dying and returned to his home city Nagasaki.

http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/news/world/asia/article6978319.ece

Again, he became caught up in a nuclear blast, again, he survived.

He died recently, aged 93.

His story should not.

Don't you wonder what you should do with all those cd's?

Normally I'm not one for promoting rabid capitalism and all that, however as I am financially insecure and in order to have a bit of a clear out of dusty cd's, I found this site.

Music Magpie

What began as simple curiosity, soon turned into a mini obsession.

A cardboard box was duly fetched from the cupboard under the stairs (yes I will have to find somewhere for the stuff that came out of it, stop nagging) and glasses put on in order to be able to see the microscopic numbers of each cd's barcode.

The company stipulate that cd's/dvd's/games must be in very good condition and without damage to the sleeve notes.

Prices varied from 30 pence for old unwanted cd's to £10 for a dvd box set.

A total of £200 worth was stuffed into the box, sealed and is awaiting collection, cheque clearing and then shopping...

The Beatles remastered aren't being sold at any price.

The Day I Shot My Kids

Ah memories,

In September 2007 we headed to the Lot valley in southern France for  a family holiday.

It was and remains the best holiday of my life.

A beautiful old house in a beautiful village.

http://www.stgerygite.com/oldnotaireshouse.html

On my birthday I decided I would very much like to buy a gun.

In a shop in Rocamadour,

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rocamadour

I fell head over heels in love with a set comprising a pump action shotgun, handgun and 1000 pellets.

The balcony back at the house provided an excellent vantage point.

Across the road and down a garden path stood a wonderful swimming pool, which my wife and daughters relaxed at, the girls splashing in the water, my wife reading in the shade.

Impressively. at over 200 feet away, I found my targets.

Later to my obvious hilarity, they told me they had felt the little flick of the yellow round pellets skim off them and float on the surface. 'Oh it's only dad shooting at us', they remarked.

Does this make me a bad parent?

This is what you'll get...

Or is it?

The recent Schadenfreude expressed by many people over a local politician's demise is understandable if misplaced.

Karma only exists in the mind.

People who do 'good' deeds are rarely rewarded, those who hurt others are seldom brought to account.

Like Earl, we sometimes fall into the trap of thinking some universal umpire is taking notes, then rearranging our moral and spiritual balance sheets through random acts of coincidence.

Ah, no...


Thus innocent bystanders will continue to suffer, whilst oily politicians wriggle off their hooks and swim back into the celebrity circuit. Yes Tony, I'm referring to you.

Water, water everywhere

Arriving at Southbank today, it was obvious something wasn't right. People were in a state of flux, and it soon became clear why.

The lack of activity over the Christmas period had left the theatre unheated.

Of course, when the system was turned on, it decided to play up, resulting in a sheared pipe and an emptying water tank. It made for dripping fluorescent bulbs, shiny wet walls and all hands on deck.

Fortunately, it could have been much worse and hopefully will be covered by insurance.

More good news came when Roger, a member of Belvoir announced we could make use of one of their rooms and the rather large 'Twelfth Night' cast decamped there.

A rather dramatic start to rehearsals. Hopefully the drama will be confined to the stage from now on.

Maybe I'm amazed

What a beautiful, mysterious thing nature is. Ever changing, infinitely complex.

These are just a glimpse into some beautiful things on Earth.

http://www.nationalgeographic.co.uk/photography/photos/life-color-purple/#4278_600x450.jpg

I hope they are an inspiration to be curious, about life, colours, nature, whatever.

My favourite colour, or lack of  if you're a scientist, black, isn't there yet but I hope someone has the sense to upload a variety of pictures.

Some people refer to black as the absence of light.

I see it more of the presence of black.

How about that?

Crossing the line

I had a conversation with a friend not too long ago about violence.

It began with a comment about the R. A. F. and the subsequent film, the Baader Meinhof Complex.

I was in West Germany 7 years after the infamous Deutscher Herbst of 1977, when they were perhaps most prolific. Whilst certain parts of their ideology were certainly attractive (in terms of anti-fascist and anti-imperialistic thinking) however, I could not in my mind rationalise taking another person's life to prove some point or other.

Clearly, in Ireland though, there still exists a mentality that violence is justifiable, given this morning's events.

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/northern_ireland/8447829.stm

The Deputy First Minister, Martin McGuinness, one formerly in tune with such actions and thinking, has rightly condemned the act, citing how the intended victim was involved in the local community via the G.A.A. an Irish speaker and so on.

My grandfather was a Dubliner. I am Irish. The border which separates north from south did not exist when he was born.

The borders we live with in our heads clearly still do.

Red wine is bad, red wine cures cancer

All too regularly, usually on 'slow news' days, the same old chestnut gets regurgitated, so to speak.

This takes the somewhat predictable form of something which was previously so unspeakably evil, now having the power to cure all ills.

Today's gem is mobile phones...

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/health/8443541.stm

We had been told that using these was a potential cause of head melting radiation, now the word is they can help prevent Alzheimer's.

A few months ago, it was red wine or coffee or jam or whatever else nonsense.

Don't forget people, you heard it here first,

Oceania is at war with Eastasia, Oceania has always been at war with Eastasia.

He don't Carey

Another great reason to celebrate atheism and the absence of lunatic sectarianism is highlighted today as good old George Carey, former pointy hat wearer of the C of E has come out of the bigot closet and nailed his colours to the B.N.P. manifesto.

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/uk_politics/8442662.stm

Of course he says he doesn't want to appear a fascist, but he knows how to whip up a crowd alright, saying the issue of immigration 'angered many people and could lead to violence'.

How placatory of him.

He also reveals his sectarian nature, claiming he favoured 'a Christian bias'.

Sorry to burst your bubble George, but the last time I looked, pretty much nobody went to church any more, never mind believed in imaginary friends...

Words are very, unnecessary...

When you spend quite a bit of your day on-line, eventually you stumble on something that connects with you. This guy has a few of these new wave/electronica classics.


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-_al6wn9fcA&feature=related


His skill in managing to dance his fingers around 3 keyboards really is talented and impressive. I suppose it's a sort of ready made karaoke if you like. 


Mind you, probably best to be in the house on your own if you want to wallow in nostalgia. One look of disdain from your 16 year old daughter should be enough to tell you it's not cool.


An old proverb says 'Even the fool is thought wise when he remains silent'. 


One which we could all benefit from...

What goes up, must come down...

Perhaps the most ridiculous building in the world is having its official opening this week in Dubai.

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/world/middle_east/8439618.stm

At 2625ft tall, the Burj Dubai is just 170 ft shorter than Northern Ireland's highest mountain, Slieve Donard.

I know which one I'd rather be on top of in the event of an earthquake.

The 'human spiderman', Alain Robert, is likely to attempt to climb the building sooner or later. I fear it may be one too many for him however. There seems to be little to grasp onto on this needle like structure and with it being an area prone to strong winds, I thing the poor guy has little to prove.

Engineering feats aside, I fail to understand the need for another tower of Babel, given Dubai's well publicised financial difficulties.

Music soothes the savage West

Perhaps all Al-Qaeda really need is a set of headphones and some good tunes, or maybe more to the point Barack Obama does.

After naming and shaming poor Yemen as the ultimate evil and General Petraeus talking about getting tough on terrorists in the region, the decision has been made to close it's embassy in the capital. Sana'a. This decision is as subtle a prelude to war as those pesky weapons of mass destruction...

I was delighted to be pointed towards a band I'd never heard of by a very good friend last night, called Fischer Z and in particular their song Pretty Paracetamol/First Impressions. What a cracking song, lyrics wise and melody also.

So here's my solution to world peace. MP3 players to be issued, fully loaded to all combatants and in the meantime I leave you to make your own minds up.


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0ToaPuOr99E&feature=PlayList&p=FA170F25DA4F1570&playnext=1&playnext_from=PL&index=24

The Politics of Fear

Yet again we are being told that Al-Qaeda are being 'incubated' in Yemen, whatever that may mean?

Incidents on planes, cartoonists having $1m price tag for their heads and someone else blowing themselves and others to dust.

This of course is all great news for the government to slip in their latest gadget, the 'full body scanner' to have a good old perv over our bits. I suspect this will mean an increase in gym memberships as vanity kicks in and no doubt some department or other will soon furnish us with the statistics for the number of Brazilian waxes.

At least we can sleep safe in our beds knowing the government are fighting on our behalf in the 'war on terror'.

They sure scare the shit out of me...

2 men and a goat

Today is of course New Year's day. 2010.

Having been born in the sixties, this makes me feel ancient, however this is no time to be maudlin. I'm alive, surrounded by loved ones.

I have been enjoying the 3 in a boat men travelogue down Ireland, however it is tempered by the fact that one of them is actually a goat named Rory McGrath.    

If ever there was an advertisement for all that is bad about being English; pomposity, thinking they're hilarious when they as funny as a bucket of sick and utter insensitivity to anything, it is the nasal twanged idiot McGrath.

Thankfully he is accompanied by the intelligent Dara OBriain and much more subtle Griff Rhys Jones.

Thus I rest my case, that we Irish tolerate the English much more than they us.