Ten ways to measure a successful night out

It occurs to me there are simple, common sense signs to decide if any night can be deemed a 'success'.

Here then, in no particular order are ten of the best...

1. No one stabbed anyone in the eyes.
2. No one shit themselves.
3. There weren't any infectious diseases leading to weeping sores acquired.
4. Dissident factions didn't insist on you driving an improvised device anywhere.
5. You actually woke up the next morning.
6. There wasn't an impromptu visit from Satan.
7. Your body contained no visible tattoos.
8. Facebook page remains unhacked.
9. When you roll over you aren't greeted by the sight of your mum.
10. You don't have morning sickness.

Score yourselves as follows

1-3 This constitutes a fairly decent night out
4-7 Bordering on the mainstream - maybe you ought to cut loose a little
8-10 Did you even go out, or have you already died?

Seeing is deceiving

Someone once said we should live everyday as if it were our last. I struggle with this type of thinking; it appears to make sense at first, but on closer examination is flawed.

If this is to be our last day, it will be incredibly difficult not to be maudlin, jaded and filled with regret.

If however, we approach it as if it were our first day on earth, then we can at least fool our minds into setting aside our preconceptions. Everything from the particular shade of blue (or grey) that is the sky is a wonder, novel, curious.

We learn to explore with fresh zeal, to examine in detail even the most mundane of our surroundings.

In short, we cultivate an awareness of both ourselves and our environment.

We learn to how to live.

New Beginnings

And we're back in the room.

After a few weeks of unprecedented flux and form, things are beginning to settle.

My own ridiculousness has led to a parting of the ways with my wife.

She had tolerated my mood swings, outbursts and depression for 22 years to the day and deserves a chance at normality.

I wish her every happiness.

My wonderful daughters shall of course be here from time to time and hopefully experience a calmer, more stable dad.

Ridiculous Times is reborn.

The times they are a changin'...

This is the end, beautiful friend the end

The F word's here and the f word's back.

This is my last blog.

I want to thank you for walking with me.

I've enjoyed your company.

I've tried to make you laugh.

Tried to make you think.

Provoked and maybe annoyed you.

But we can agree to disagree without falling out.

I am withdrawing from this and other arenas.

Life is worth living, but I am weary of failing.

Love.

Red & Black Shack

Yesterday was the first ever public display of the Red & Black Shack.

And they loved it.

They came, they saw, they moved on.

After two hours we had sold nothing.

Then on Easter Sunday a miracle.

Someone bought a dreamcatcher.

14 hours after we set off we arrived home.

Chastened.

Final sales crept into double figures.

An overall deficit of around £30.

So much for us being out of recession...

Ridiculous World

The eagle eyed film buff will no doubt recognise this scene from 'Apocalypse Now'.

I use it by way of illustration that the entire world is madder than Johnny Depp now.

A simple scroll down any news site should be enough to trigger a frenzied wave of island buying.

1. Girl 12, stabbed to death.

2. Mild mannered Eugene Terreblanche hacked to death over money row.

3. Teen Stabbed to death in Dublin.

4. U.S. girl sues for $1m after writing I love my friends on school desk, and trailed out in handcuffs

5. Four horsemen laid off in apocalypse redundancies.

6. Cowardly lion regrets comments condemning church over child abuse.

7. Couple arrested for kissing in public in Dubai.

8. Compulsory sex tests to be taken in all B&B's to avoid sneaky same sex rumpy.

There are literally thousands of other ridiculous things happening in the world.

As George sang,

'It's all too much'.

Who's Sorry Now?

This grinning idiot is the Reverend Raniero Canatalamessa.

He is the only person in the entire world 'allowed' to preach to the Pope.

Does this make him ueber infallible?

Or just another con artist?

He thought it would be great deflection to compare recent criticism and justifiable outrage over the church's compliance, sanctioning and cover-up of sexually abusing children to the vile practice of anti-Semitism.

WRONG.

Jewish people and their leaders are naturally seething over this kettle calling the pot black, or maggot calling the pus white, depending on your sensitivities.

The church in that old nazi's country of birth has openly admitted it did nothing in order to protect its reputation.

One which that deluded head of the Church of England, Rowan Williams claims now lies in shreds, having 'lost all credibility'.

No shit Sherlock.